Alternate Bohemian Rhapsody
by diff.ending
Summary: A different twist on the Sam situation. JH friendly.


Alternate Bohemian Rhapsody.

Takes place opening of Season 8.

Jackie runs out hurt when she sees Sam and hears her say. "I'm your wife."

Hyde: "I don't remember you at all."

Sam: "I'm not surprised as you were very wasted."

Kitty: "I need to bake something!!!"

Red: "I never thought I'd say this but you are the head dumb-ass now.

The gang is in the basement minus Eric who is in Africa. They are in their usual places. Hyde comes down and sits in his chair shades on. Sam comes down the stairs after Hyde. Jackie is coming down the outside stairs to fight the new enemy and before she can open the door she overhears the next piece.

Hyde introduces Sam as his wife.

Everyone:"WHAT THE HELL????"

Sam sits down on Hyde's lap. Hyde shoves her off and says "I'm not that guy. I don't cuddle."

Fez: "But Hyde..."

Donna elbows him in the ribs.

Fez: "Ow, I get it. I won't say how he always let Jackie sit in his lap."

Donna: picks up the stupid helmet and puts it on Fez' head.

Sam: Picture really dumb blond voice. "Oh, it's ok. I forgot I am Jackie."

Everyone yells "WHAT???????" at the same time.

Sam: "Well, Hyde was drunk and he kept yelling he wanted to marry this Jackie Burkhart person so I told him I was her and we got married. I have the certificate and everything, see." She pulls out a marriage certificate from her microscopic shorts and Hyde snatches it out of her hands.

Jackie: Squeals "Oh, my God!" and comes barging in through the door. "Is that true, Stephen?!"

Hyde: "I guess, that's what it says here."

Donna: "Is that legal?"

Hyde:"I'm going to go find out."

Everyone troops upstairs to consult Red. Note Fez is still wearing the stupid helmet. Upstairs he stands next to Kelso between the couch and the bar. ( This is important for later). Jackie and Hyde and Sam are in front of the couch with Red in his chair. Kitty stands behind Red's chair.

Red: "How do you kids keep getting into these dumb-ass situations. (Sighs) We need a lawyer for sure but you may be married by proxy."

Hyde: "I've got to stop drinking. So Jackie it looks like you got what you wanted after all."

Jackie:"Stephen, how can you say that. This is not what I wanted. I just wanted you to say you wanted to be with me in the future. Even if you are married to me by proxy, we are getting it annulled. I want our wedding to be something to I want to remember not this freak show!"

Hyde: " Don't you mean your wedding to Kelso? You two were already on doing the honeymoon bit in Chicago!"

Everyone:"WHAT!!!!!!!!"

Kelso: "I'm just irresistible."

Jackie: "No, you are not and you know NOTHING HAPPENED!"

Hyde:"That's not what I saw!"

Jackie:"You saw Michael being Michael. If you had stayed around to ASK I'd have told you that. I told him no, but he doesn't seem to understand that word. I was lonely. I thought we were broken up and I needed a friend and Donna had her own problems with Eric leaving. "

Hyde:"Why were you in a robe?"

Jackie:"I had just taken a shower and I sent Michael for ice and told him to change his attitude or not to come back. I love you and I would never do that to you. I left the job in Chicago because I want you more than anything. I missed my home and friends. It took me a couple of weeks because I had to make enough money to get home. I knew I couldn't have Michael give me a ride. I've had plenty of time to think and cry and I realize that my attitude towards Michael doesn't help. I am sorry for that but if anyone should be pissed here it's me. You brought a skank home!! You ran to Vegas! You got drunk and married another girl even though you thought it was me - it's got Redneck soap opera written all over it."

Sam:"Hey, I am not a skank. I'm a professional stripper."

Red; rolls his eyes and says "Jesus, this just keeps getting worse."

Kelso and Fez:"AWESOME!"

Jackie:'Stephen you are going to be paying for this for a long while. That's if I decide to forgive you."

Hyde:"Whatever, I don't care anymore." as he clears his throat.

Everyone:"Please! Like you aren't in love with her!"

Kelso:"Even I know that and I'm the King!"

Hyde;"And you still made a move on Jackie?????"

Fez: snatches the helmet off his head and jams it down on Kelso's just in time.

Hyde and Jackie: Look at each other and nod. Both pull back and punch Kelso in the face at the same time and he flies backward out cold. Kitty goes and checks on him.

Red:" Stephen, we all know you love Jackie so cut the Zen crap. No one here buys it.

Everyone: Nods

(Sam says "yea, oh, wait you don't mean me you mean that priss!").

Jackie:Lunges at her and she goes down faster than Laurie did right over the coffee table.

Fez reaches for Sam and says:"Can I help you up?"

Sam:"ooh, you are so sweet. Help me with my stuff?"

Kelso comes around and says "I have wheels to take you wherever you want to go."

Red:" Not so fast, she stays till this is all sorted out. We may need her for the annulment."

Sam:"Oh, I'm already married but I liked Hyde better than my bossy husband that's why I came out here."

Hyde:"So all of this was for nothing. It didn't happen?"

Jackie:"Oh, it happened and you will be working off this for a LONG TIME buster!"

Hyde;"Wait, does that mean you are taking me back?"

Jackie;"That depends on your groveling for the next few weeks."

Hyde:'I don't grovel"

Red: "You do now, son! Welcome to your future and man is it going to be fun to watch!"

Jackie: starts already "Unless you don't think I am worth groveling for? STEPHEN!"

Hyde:Mumbles "You're worth it."

Kitty: "Sorry we didn't catch that?"

Hyde:yells "I said of course she's worth it!!!"

Jackie screams and kisses him then kicks him in the chins. "I love you, Stephen!"

Long Pause

Red:'My foot is approaching your ass!"

Hyde;"Fine, I love you too, Jacks."

Red: "See that wasn't so hard!"

Rest of season Hyde gets to where he can say I love you on rare occasions and finally gets over the Kelso thing. Veteran's Day he proposes. End of show, Eric returns in time to be the best man at the wedding. As a reward for groveling, the wedding is a mix of Jackie and Hyde's tastes (not the purple and pink unicorn affair). Eric wins Donna back at the reception. Fez meets his love (one of Laurie's slightly less skanky friends) who likes his dancing. Kelso realizes he wants to be with Brooke and Betsy full time. Laurie gets caught doing it in a closet with Casey Kelso who is bartending.

I am big on changing the end of this series. If you liked this see also "The Way It Should Have Been" posted 2/18/07. That one takes up where the end of Season 7 left off.


End file.
